One who will NEVER let you down...

Have you ever been let down by someone you hold dear? Have you ever been deeply cut, or hurt by a person that you trusted not to do that? I'm willing to bet that at some point or another, we all have. It's bound to happen to us all. During the course of this year, I was deeply hurt by someone that I considered to be a dear friend, someone that was very special to me. When I first realized what had happened, I remember sitting down and crying in disbelief. It hurt. It stung. It was unreal. And I think the part that made it worse for me is, the person didn't seem to care that I was hurt by them. I did what the Word of God commands us to do when we have anger in our hearts toward another person. Matthew 5:21-26 (ESV) says, "You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not murder, and whoever murders will be liable to judgement.' But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgement;whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, 'You fool!' will be liable to the hell of fire. So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you will be in prison. Truly, I say to you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny."

I actually did go to my friend, and speak to them about my hurt. I explained to them how I was hurt and caught off guard, and even though I am typically very vocal about my feelings, it was actually quite hard to talk to them about it. And the worst part is, while I was telling this person about how they'd let me down, I felt patronized. I was patted on the back and told "Oh, don't be mad". No explanation on their part. No apology for me in any form. If I thought for one instant that something I had said, or done in any form had hurt someone, I would apologize to them for their hurt, EVEN if I felt justified in my words or actions. For me, to think that I have been the cause of tears, and heartache for anyone is painful to me, yet when it came to my "friend" it didn't seem to matter. In a way, I think that cut me even deeper. Our friendship became so scarred, that I fear it will never be the same. I know I've done the right thing by going to my friend and sharing my grievances, but I have also done wrong every since that day by holding a grudge and continuing to be angry. I know it is wrong, and as many times as I have told myself that "I'm only human" in an effort to justify my anger, it is still sin. And the one who hurt me is "only human" too...mistakes and bad choices happen, even if they are right or wrong. I have to let go, and LET GOD in this situation. I am still working on forgiveness, and though it's been a hard road, I'm getting there. I am taking steps toward it every day...and even though some days I take a few steps backward I know on some level I am still healing. I know my Savior forgives all sins, and I am trying to forgive the one who wronged me. I am not justified in my anger, and I do not have the right to withhold that forgiveness...even when the offender hasn't asked for it. I must freely give. Anger is a form of hate, and hate does nothing to build one up....it only destroys the hater's heart, and witness. While I am not willing to let that happen, I am still struggling with forgiving. To not be able to do so freely is really a very foreign thing to me, because I do not usually hold grudges...I generally get over anger fairly quickly. I do not like to be angry. I do not like to harbor anger in any form...but this....this has been an uphill battle. But I'm almost to the top of that hill...it's coming.

The good thing that came from all of this is that I have connected with others who have been there. I have made new relationships, and deepened other friendships through the experience of this hardship. The Glory of God is being revealed when He is made strong in our weakness. God has unified me with other believers and made our purpose in each others lives stronger and deeper. We have become accountable to each other in our healing, and in our spiritual walk. I praise the Lord for my relationship with these believers, because they love me, they challenge me, and they encourage me in ways that I am not sure would have happened if this hardship had not come upon us.

Thank you Jesus for my new friendships, my deepened relationships, and even for the friend who hurt me. Thank you for teaching me throughout all of this, and Thank you for being slow to anger and abounding in your steadfast love! (Numbers 14:18). Thank you for forgiveness. Amen

WHO IS THIS MAN?????

All this time and you think you know somebody....
I don't know what got into him. There I was, minding my own business, and my husband of nearly 11 years (we've known each other for 14 years) just completely pulled one on me! Out of nowhere he announces "I'm going to shave my beard and mustache."


Stunned. Why was I stunned? Mainly because he's had the "stache" since long before we were married. I think out of those 14 years of knowing him, I have spend 13 of those years with him having a mustache. And off and on for the last 10 years he has had a goatee. More On than Off during those times. I like the goatee. sniff sniff.

"Why?" I asked.

"Just because. Is it OK?"


Well, to be quite honest it really IS OK...but I like his goatee and he's had it for so long that I was afraid of having to get used to his new look. But he doesn't tell me how to wear my hair...long, short, WHATEVER, he is supportive of whatever I have done to my hair over the years and I am thankful for that because that is a sore subject with some husbands! So I can't really TELL him "NO" even though part of me wanted to.

I consented and told him to do whatever he wanted. I explained that I really like him with the mustache and goatee, but if he wants to shave it, then go ahead. (all the while, secretly hoping he wouldn't)

So, it's gone. He's got a baby face again. It's a bit tough to get used to...even for him. We kinda laughed about it later, because he looks so DIFFERENT! But we'll get used to it soon, I'm sure.

So, here is a before and after pic....

BEFORE:
My cutie hubby, with the goatee. My favorite part was that some of it was turning gray. I like it...it's distinguished looking. But maybe that had something to do with it, even though he says "No"










AFTER:
The "new" Jonathan. I can't decide if he looks younger, or just a completely different person.







Update as of: 10:58pm....this most definitely IS a different person...he just offered to help me fold the laundry that is piled on our bed. I know his ulterior motive is to remove the pile of clean laundry so he can actually get in the bed, but he's NEVER offered to do it before. He usually either shoves it in a corner somewhere, or just shoves it to my side of the bed and he gets in and goes to sleep! Now he wants to do laundry....WHO IS THIS MAN????

Deep Thoughts on Parenting...

Disclaimer: Parenting is such a wide and sensitive topic, and this is only one small section of the subject...

Being a teacher of preschool aged children, and having much interaction with the different ages throughout the last 7 years, I have come to realize that every parent does their job very differently. Some parents are considered overbearing, overprotective, or worry too much, and still other parents are unstructured, undisciplined, or too lenient with their kids. Where is the line, and where is is drawn in our assumptions of how others "love" their kids? Have you ever found yourself saying "If that was my kid, they wouldn't behave like that!", or "Wow, they're a bit too hard on their kids, lighten up!". I do not believe there is only one way to parent every child because every child is different and every child, yes-even those in the same family, require different discipline and parenting techniques because what works with one, may or may not work with another. With all that in mind, I have found myself wondering what drives some parents to choose the methods they do, or what makes some parents more inclined to handle situations drastically different from what I would consider to be a normal reaction. I can't help but think that in so many cases, a child's action or reaction to something may directly be related to how the parent's actions or reactions to those instances affect them. Now, I can't go into details on the situations that prompt me to write this post, obviously, but I will generalize it as best I can. I will place myself into the parenting roles here and critique it that way.
I consider myself to be a very protective parent. I am very cautious about what "worldly" influences come in contact with my children...music, TV, movies, Internet, the language we/they use, the clothes they wear, the holidays we choose to acknowledge, etc. Examples: I am very cautious about what friends (and their families) my children are allowed to spend time with away from my supervision (like spend the night parties, play dates, etc) I am very cautious about what clothing my kids wear...call me crazy if you must, but I simply do not believe my 7 year old girl needs to wear "attitude" shirts with sayings like "It's all about ME". For holidays, yes, we love them and celebrate them, including Halloween...but I do not choose to celebrate the "scary" part of Halloween with skeletons, grave stones, or anything bloody or Gothic looking. For Christmas, we do celebrate Santa bringing gifts, but we have taught our children that without the birth of Jesus, we would have no reason to celebrate...there would be no Christmas at all! Same for Easter...yes it's fun to see the Easter Bunny, and believe that he hides eggs for kids to find but even at this young age of my children, they are aware that Jesus died on the cross, but we celebrate his RESURRECTION on Easter. But I also consider myself to be a "laid back" parent in the way that I don't panic at every little thing my kids do, say, or react to. For instance, if they hear something that I consider inappropriate on TV, I don't necessarily shut the TV off and forbid them from ever watching that program, or television in general again, instead I have taken those as teaching moments for my child and explain to them why it's not acceptable in our home. There are certain words I don't like for my kids to use that are widely accepted in today's social culture, and in other families. Example: The word "hate" for me is too strong a word to hear from such a small child, even if they are only saying "I hate broccoli". In my adult life, I realize how strong HATE is when I look at the world and how religions, politics, prejudice are born from hate, so I do not want to teach my child that hate is OK in any form. But that also puts accountability on myself, and I have to change my vocabulary so that I am not the bad influence on my child. And boy does that sting sometimes!
For me, I feel like at this stage of their life, Megan at age 7 and in second grade, and Ryan at age 4 in K4, this is where mother bird starts learning to let go. I have to teach my children how to fly. I have to teach them how to function in a world that will not love and protect them as I do. I have to teach them that there are outside influences that will present themselves and they have to know the right choice to make. Basically, I have to teach my children that they are in the world, but not OF the world. (1John 4:4-6 ESV says, "Little Children, you are from God and have overcome them [the world], for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. They are from the world;therefore they speak from the world and the world listens to them. We are from God. Whoever knows God listens to us; whoever is not from God does not listen to us. By this we know the Spirit of truth and the spirit of error.")
Conclusion:
I can not control what type of kids my children come in contact with at school-even a christian school, or church for that matter, but I can keep an open mind and try to see what it is that the Lord has planned for my child to learn from them, or to learn about themselves through interaction with them, or better yet, what my child can teach the others around them-which means that one of my jobs as a Mom is to teach them a loving diversity of their peers so that the influence my child has on those around him/her is a positive one. But it does not mean I should second guess my values or accept someone else's way of doing things just because the world says it's what is right. It doesn't give me a right to place judgement on others for their way of parenting, but I do have the right to protect my child should he/she be placed in a situation where their well being is put in any question.
I'm sure this sounds very random, and perhaps the purpose of this blog is just for me, so that I can jot down my thoughts on what is going on behind this post....(which, don't worry, it doesn't directly deal with me or my children, but is affecting others around me). I guess the most important job of any and all parents when raising their kids is to seek wise counsel from first and foremost our Creator, and secondly from other believers who are parents. And lastly, take what you've learned and share it....God brought you to it for a reason, and that is not to harm you, but to teach you and to teach and minister to others.

Wading through water, or is it just the 80's again?

OK...so when I really remember the 80's culture hitting me, it was the late 80's and I did it all. Side ponytails. Scrunchies in side ponytails. Acid wash jeans. Holes in the knee of your acid washed jeans. "Valley Girl" talk..."like, oh my gah!" High top tennis shoes, NINTENDO NES and the birth of Super Mario Bros obsessions! Lots of my clothes were covered in polka dots and the shirts were big and long...Yep, I did it all.


Now, my most favorite thing is that a lot of the late 80's trends are back, and my kids are totally into it! Ryan has a huge obsession with Mario these days, thanks in part to an old Nintendo 64 game system that we still had. Megan is cracking me up trying to talk "Valley" and even though she doesn't even know what she's saying, there's like a lot of funny stuff she says, and she's like totally into the fashion these days!(her words, not mine) Shopping for school clothes is like, the most fun EVER! lol I swear, the day she pulls out "Grody" or "Gag me", I will wet my pants laughing. So, here's a shot of my big boy, my ever growing Ryan...after he got ready for school yesterday, I snapped these few shots:



He's wearing his red high top converse (knock off) shoes, and a Super Mario shirt.







Cute as he is, I just can't allow the space between jeans and shoes (especially HIGH TOPS) to continue...just chalk it up to all the ridicule I received as a kid when it was in style, but I couldn't HELP it that all my jeans were too short for my long legs....emotional damage? Not much...lol




In my best valley girl talk:
"Like Mom, totally take my picture, and I'll like, strike a pose and VOGUE!"








Then after really looking at the length of his jeans next to his TOTALLY 80'S RED HIGH TOP CONVERSE SHOES, I realized that it was time to go up to the scary, and ultra cluttered attic (ugh), and dig out the totally awesome hand-me-downs from older cousin Lane! (THANK YOU AUNT MARY). So after a difficult climb to an attic that is half my height-HEY, TALL PEOPLE HAVE DIFFICULTIES IN SMALL ATTICS-, I found the bags and Ryan is set to get started the season wearing clothes that actually fit him~NARLY!

side note: hey! I'm getting better...3 posts in three days...wow!

Timing ISN'T everything...

So the Lord has been teaching me about patience. Yep, not only did He provide me a job teaching preschoolers (sometimes, that is the ULTIMATE test of patience! lol), but the Lord has led us to put our house up for sale about 5 & 1/2 mnths ago and not one little bite has happened. I know this is "bad timing" when it comes to how the world views the market, but when a believer feels led by God to do something, do you honestly look at him and say "NO GOD, THE REAL ESTATE MARKET IS TERRIBLE RIGHT NOW, I DON'T THINK THAT IS A GOOD IDEA!"...I mean, come on! Who would truly do that?????
So despite the fact that we've had no "lookers" to our property (not surprised, really), despite the fact that we've done a facelift to the curb appeal of the house and painted shutters, trim and gutters, replaced doors, and fixed flower beds, and despite the fact that we have decluttered our home, only to clutter up a storage unit about 3 months ago that is costing us money every month...despite all that, we still have not had any interest in our property.
But through it all, God is teaching me about my dependance on Him. While I already am aware that I do depend on Jesus all the time, I think I have tried to micro manage even the Savior of the World. (Are you laughing yet?) So, yeah...I micromanaged to the point of getting the house on the market, to the point of getting new doors, new paint, and general repairs done around here, I micromanaged enough to get a storage unit close to our home so we could store the junk we don't use but don't want to part with for the mere reason that we quite possibly could use it in another home....yea right! I've even micromanaged God to the point that I have spelld out a time line for HIM! (insert raucous laughter here). Can you believe it? ME! I told God that the house didn't HAVE to sell right away because Megan was ok in school right now, but if He "could just please oh please get us moved by the spring of next year that would give us enough time to 1. sell, 2. buy, 3. move, 4. get settled, and 5. get Megan started in 3rd grade at a school of my top 2 choices.
So, when I truly stop and think about my prayers, God has been telling me to shut up. God has been telling me that even when I wasn't thinking about our situation (which are rare moments), He was thinking of it and he's already working on our solution. Everytime I get to worrying about that "time line" a bit too much, it seems it's a matter of a day before I get a message from God telling me to chill out, and telling me to let it go.
So, I'm letting it go....again.
Despite the fact that I am worried about all of the above, I am going to remind myself that I am dependant upon God to supply all my needs (Phillipians 4:19), and even when I am worried or frustrated about the time line...he is telling me to cast all my cares upon HIM (1peter 5:7). When the world is telling me that it is next to impossible to sell my house with the housing market being as bad as it is right now, God is tellng me that it's all in His plan and all things are possible! (Luke 18:27)
So, wether or not God is honoring my wish of this ridiculous time line I have set, or whether my timeline is something that God has predestined to work out for us, He is in control....and I'll take His plan over mine anyday!
Keep us in your prayers!

Quick Catch Up...

I'm finding it harder and harder to keep this blog current...but I won't stop trying. Here is a quick catch up in the world of "Barrett"

FIRST: We're all in the swing of things when it comes to school. Ryan is loving his teacher in 4K, and I think God has blessed me with a wonderful group of 3K students. I am really excited about teaching and also excited for what Ryan will be learning this year! I can't believe it, but he will be learning to blend consonants and vowels together and by the end of the year, he should be able to read! CAN THIS BE POSSIBLE? It seems just yesterday I was bringing him home from the hospital.....
Here are a few shots from the first week of school:

Beyond school, Megan started back to girl scouts this past week and there are lots of fun things planned...overnighter at the McWane center, flag ceremony at a local PTA meeting, Harvest Celebrations at Camp Coleman and many more!
My mom just got back from an over seas trip to PORTUGAL! Her boss invited her to go to a board of directors meeting for the company and she traveled by herself to Lisbon,Portugal as well as Paris! I am so proud of her because this was not easy for her as she has a fear of flying! She faced so many fears head on and is all the better for it! I picked her up from the airport last Monday afternoon and she was soooo glad to get home, as were we!
In a couple of weeks, I have my trip to Pensacola with the teachers from the school, and Jon is mulling over the idea of going camping the weekend I'm gone. I think that will be a great idea for them to have some fun while mom is away! I am very much looking forward to this trip...much more than I was last year. I have had a great time getting to know all the teachers, and the new ones at the school and there is a renewed sense of unity among us. I think this will be one of the best years at the school!
AND, we are still trying to sell our house! We really are anxious to do so but are aware that it's in God's hands. It seems every time I begin worrying about "progress", God sends me a sign that it's all in the works! Although no one is viewing our home in person, I have had two little signs in the last week that it's coming. We are going to keep following this path that the Lord has laid out for us, and be confident that he is working for our good! I'm excited about where our family will move, and what our home will look like, and where the kids will go to school, and who our neighbors will be and how we can be involved in our neighborhood and community. All of that is what we are looking forward to, but for now, we are going to remain planted where God has us and pray that we are blooming for his glory!
As you can imagine things are busy, busy, busy, and aren't' going to slow down! I will try to do a better job of blogging. I hope to do so, anyway.