Nanny

The last few days have been a struggle. My grandmother died on Wednesday. It wasn't unexpected, as she's been suffering from Alzheimer's for the last few years. (She always called it "OLD TIMERS") The death of my grandmother has been difficult, but easier than one might expect. You see, I haven't seen my grandmother in several years. Perhaps it was the wrong thing to do, and I am sure many would judge me as being a bad granddaughter, but I quit going to see her a few years ago when she couldn't remember who I was. On the last visit I had with her, I went with my parents to see her. As we arrived, she was standing on the front porch of her home with some other of my relatives, Aunts, Cousins,etc. My dad walked down the sidewalk to her porch and even he had to tell her "Mama, it's me, your son, we brought Jenny to see you today". She stared at me. I said "Hey Nanny" to her. After a moment she smiled and grabbed me and said "I know who you are" and kissed my forehead. After that we went into the kitchen, as we always did~because that was the central room of her home where everyone congregated to talk. (And boy, did it always get loud in there with all the different conversations going on, & everyone talking at once and louder than the others so they could be heard). As we sat in the kitchen, my Nanny kept staring at me. I think she was still trying to remember me. I bet I was there for over an hour and she would keep staring the entire time. I've always wondered if she really did know who I was. Perhaps on some level she did. Perhaps she knew she recognized me, but she couldn't recall how, or remember any of my childhood. The Alzheimer's disease is ruthless. It's cruel. It's the one disease that can take away what I consider to be a person's most prized possession...your memory. Your memory of your past. Your memory of who the people in your life are. Your memories are directly related to your heart. I suppose on one hand, you are still alive and your family is grateful to have you with them. But on the other hand, a part of my Nanny had already died when she couldn't remember who I was. I think on many levels, I mourned her back then, because the Nanny I knew was gone. Her body was still here...but her mind wasn't.
Graciously, the Lord honored my Nanny's wish. All my life, both Nanny and my beloved Papaw too, would say that they hoped that the Lord would take them in their sleep. They felt it was the most peaceful way to die. Nanny died Feb7Th in her sleep. While my beliefs about the afterlife are somewhat different from hers and they rest of my family due to different religious backgrounds, I am comforted in the only thing that truly matters....Nanny loved the Lord, and believed in Jesus Christ as the only way to true salvation. So whether you believe in "The dead are but asleep" and "will join Christ in Heaven on the resurrection day" as Nanny and Papaw did, or if you believe "To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord" and believers go to directly to Heaven when they die, as I do. It doesn't REALLY matter....what matters is, if you to have an abiding relationship with Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour, then you too will be with Nanny in Heaven one day.
I miss her. I miss Papaw. I cherish my memories. I look forward to being reunited with them.

J